This is not the first time that life has given me a long pause. What do you do in that space? It would be different if I was able to do anything I wanted ot had energy to do something actually, but I don't.
Life speeds by and I am stuck on pause. If the weather had been nicer it would have been much more bearable. Being cooped up inside is not pleasant. Now that I am able to walk a bit and the weather is nicer, it makes the pause much more bearable.
The last time life gave me a pause I had lunch with a friend who said she would love to have months off from work. So would I if I felt better. Months off from work with no pay and no ablility to do anything is not fun. It's not a vacation. My pause button seems to be stuck. It keeps getting extended. One thing after another holding up my recovery. Now waiting again to see if the iron intervenous therapy works. I just want to feel well enough to go on vacation. Not even to do much, but be strong enough to go somewhere other than here. Somewhere where the weather is nicer and I can see new things, be in nature and perhaps enjoy a beautiful sunset.
Everyone said I would feel so much better after my hysterectomy. Who could have guessed that 2 months later I feel so much worse? Life gives us unespected turns, loss and pause when we least expect it. Even if we were expecting it, it's not usually what we think. I thought I would have a pause for about 2-4 weeks, not 16 weeks.
The energy I do have I try to use in staying positive and just getting through the day. Trying to find some joy or pleasure and to share some love or comfort to someone else. Saying prayers for others at this time has been so rewarding for me. I can't do much else to help others, but that I can do and I can do it now. Receiving prayers, help and energy from others has helped alot too. How would I have survived without them? Feels like I am hardly surviving with them, but I am. And I am comfortable, warm and safe- that is alot. Times like this challenge us to focus on what we do have, what we are getting and not what we have lost or don't have. Certainly a challenge for me at times. But I do catch myself. And that's what counts. Catching ourselves, getting back up, even if we can't move forward atleast getting back up.
